So, in April, I was denied services from the Bureau of Rehabilitation Services. I called the supervisor of the office and we talked. I gave her time to read my file, and called her back, opened my case, giving me a new counselor. Now, I am not the type of person that enjoys agency types of appointments, but the most important aspect of becoming a client is the funding it would provide for me to receive services from other agencies, namely the one that I met with in February that had great confidence in me.
Even so, I'm a little bit intimidated by the fact that I am a client of this agency again. The building is depressing, the office depressing. I feel a little embarrassed that I have only had one job in my life, that I have education in certain fields but not experience in those fields. However, the emotional endurance piece I have been working on enters. Meeting goals sometimes requires assistance. I have to endure the appointments and the waiting to get through to making more money and living independently. Positivity is great, but positivity sometimes allows me to remain firmly planted where I am right now. So for change, sometimes it's necessary to admit "No, I'm not happy here and I can no longer be happy here." I excel at seeming happy so well that some might argue that "Well if doing this makes you happy, that's all that matters." No. It doesn't make me happy. Pays the bills? yes. Provides medical insurance that is better accepted than say, Medicare? Yes. But not necessarily fulfilled. Being liked isn't enough for me; I have so many intangible skills that are not utilized by cashiering. I won't ever be promoted by my employer because the company tends to look at what I can't do, but even more because I don't want to be promoted to a supervisory position with more responsibilities but only slightly more pay. It's scary to take this step into accepting help, but it's a sure step in becoming who I am supposed to be.
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