the space between how doctors thought my life was and how it actually is

When doctor's say "Be active":
I hear "Go do something you aren't good at in front of people you don't know"

When I hear others say "Your CP is so mild!/You can do so much!/Be Positive!

I hear: "You should be over this by now, it's old news, it's not a big deal"

A funny thing happens when I think of my health history by itself, my body by itself, without comparison to a more pronounced disability; I realize that even if a lot of people with CP have more issues than I do, even though I can walk and talk and my struggles are few globally speaking, and even if this fact might not make any sense; it's still difficult for me.
Just take my word for it.

My intuition tells me that I could go to psychotherapy or physical therapy for a hundred years and still have some days when life stinks
Because everyone does.

Because if the expectation is that I will get used to this some day, I have to change my expectations
Some things in life are just difficult, and their difficulty does not communicate the fact that I am not good enough, this difficulty tells me

that it's just hard. Not that I am less than or bad, or need work on issues,
Life is hard with the wanting and the trying and then maybe the results are meh
 As easy as it looked for me to hey just go take gym with kids without disabilities and play sports, it wasn't that easy. I struggled with basic motor tasks and avoided feeling different at all costs.
As easy as my life looked for the doctors, as they didn't think I needed much therapy, I believed they didn't care, that I was in this on my own.
I felt like I didn't deserve a better life.
That I was "bad" at having CP
well maybe so but having to deal with CP as a kid is kind of "bad" too.
There, I said it.
A gift, perhaps, but one that teaches others more than myself

Exciting, yet intimidating news

    So, in April, I was denied services from the Bureau of Rehabilitation Services. I called the supervisor of the office and we talked.  I gave her time to read my file, and called her back, opened my case, giving me a new counselor. Now, I am not the type of person that enjoys agency types of appointments, but the most important aspect of becoming a client is the funding it would provide for me to receive services from other agencies, namely the one that I met with in February that had great confidence in me. 

     Even so, I'm a little bit intimidated by the fact that I am a client of this agency again. The building is depressing, the office depressing. I feel a little embarrassed that I have only had one job in my life, that I have education in certain fields but not experience in those fields. However, the emotional endurance piece I have been working on enters. Meeting goals sometimes requires assistance. I have to endure the appointments and the waiting to get through to making more money and living independently. Positivity is great, but positivity sometimes allows me to remain firmly planted where I am right now. So for change, sometimes it's necessary to admit "No, I'm not happy here and I can no longer be happy here." I excel at seeming happy so well that some might argue that "Well if doing this makes you happy, that's all that matters." No. It doesn't make me happy. Pays the bills? yes. Provides medical insurance that is better accepted than say, Medicare? Yes. But not necessarily fulfilled. Being liked isn't enough for me; I have so many intangible skills that are not utilized by cashiering. I won't ever be promoted by my employer because the company tends to look at what I can't do, but even more because I don't want to be promoted to a supervisory position with more responsibilities but only slightly more pay.  It's scary to take this step into accepting help, but it's a sure step in becoming who I am supposed to be.