Cerebral Palsy is a tricky condition. Living with cerebral palsy is a highly personal, individualized experience. It's not really a condition at all as much as it is a descriptor "Something happened in the brain that affects my motor function." As I get older, I realize I might have to do things differently. Maybe I can't work full-time. Maybe I will be able to drive one day, maybe not. I don't know if I am like everyone else. I know I have always felt different, not only because of how cerebral palsy affects my life, but also the fact that I have a huge family, I'm one of the only females in my family, I have anxiety and mental health issues that some people think I made up or am being dramatic about. As much as people will try to tell me I'm just like everyone else, I know that I'm not. I'm just myself.
When I was younger, I had more "mojo" to prove people wrong. I had more strength to overcome obstacles and challenge myself. Now, sometimes I just want something to be easy, or I avoid tasks or situations I don't like. Awareness of CP became apparent as I was older; it's there and it's not leaving, and I understand more than ever what this means for me. I pray with thanks every day for the independence I have, however, sometimes I do wish things were different if only I could fit in more. I wish that I wasn't so afraid that people wouldn't give me a chance. I wish family and friends that I may call to explain my situation wouldn't just explain the "other person's view." Because I understand the other person's view. I understand how life is, how life can be, I get it. Life has been beating me upside the head about how life could be (And I'm talking all of it, joy, sadness, pain, accomplishment, disappointment) for the last twenty-nine years.
I try. I make mistakes. I smile. I cry. I feel awesome. I feel uncool. I get frustrated.
I'm authentic.
I'm aware of how cerebral palsy affects me and how other's situations in life affect them.
I get it.
I'm aware.
No comments:
Post a Comment