To live

Sometimes I want to prove everyone wrong, pursue a degree in mathematics just to prove I can, get my PHD so I can be "Dr. Mel." But more often than not? I just want to live my life doing things I want to do. I want it to be okay for me not to know what I want to do with my life. I don't want to always question whether I am doing enough or having the right attitude. I want to be happy with myself and not have to convince other people I'm happy with myself. I don't want to feel pressured to resolve ALL of my issues in my life in order to be successful. I want to try and then try other stuff and not like some of the stuff I try so I try something else.  I just want to be. Earn a living, come home to my cat, maybe have some friends over, take a nap, rinse, repeat. To be able to make a mistake, learn from it, and move on. To be believed when I say that I am doing the best I can today. I know that not everything I have been through makes sense, or not everything I feel is logical, but this is my journey, life as I see it. This is my reality. It's not objective, it's not "big picture." It's the life story of a kind-hearted, brown-eyed, you-tube, commercial loving person. I want to live in this reality and be ok with that.