Instant: new life: Just add water(works)

      In the midst of transitioning workplaces, towns, and homes, it's different than I thought it would be. It turns out no matter how ready a person is to leave home, or transfer to a new store, no matter how one would think it would be an adventure, an exciting experience, moving has been a sad one for me,  not equaling instant happiness. I'm not surprised, but it was disappointing not to feel as if I love every minute of living here right away. Yes, I wanted this to happen and it had to, but even if I was not meant to live with my parents anymore because I was too old to live with them, I still wanted it to work out.  I aim to be outgoing and positive but it's difficult to adjust to new routines, new personalities, and new surroundings all at once, holding it together and then it just comes apart
        It doesn't make sense to anyone outside but does anyone ever see the work leading up the goal unless one is there with the person, really paying attention? Because on the inside, when I let go, and I want to go home, it makes sense to me. But to others it might seem like "What? What is she so upset about?" In reality, it takes all I can muster to work in a new place, with no familiar faces, new personalities that have established rapport and I am confident in my job but that's about it.  The time moves differently there, slow, steady, exhausting.  I go home to my apartment, into my room, and collapse on the bed with a sigh of relief. And I lay there kind of missing my family with my Dad's loud TV and my brother holding his cat like a newborn and my Mom typedy typing away at the desktop and asking me questions. I miss my dog thumping her tail on the wooden floor because I'm home, but being to lazy to actually come see me, unless of course I'm eating and then she's my best friend.  In the midst of all this emotion I might get a question about something that happened the other day when I really want to just be left alone because I miss my family and these questions reiterate the fact that I actually am living with people who have no idea who I am, and I have no idea who they are.
It's hard....but it's new. The good thing about that is, New things are hard, but hard things are not new for me.