Knowing

Knowing how much I have, how lucky I am, and how much I can do, it surprises me that I get down on myself still.  This knowledge does not render my life perfect or mean that I am always happy, even if (and here's the big part) I pressure myself to be.  The problem isn't that I'm a negative person, I'm just like everyone else. As much as having a disability, my number of siblings, and life experiences have shaped me, I am bound to get frustrated, because people do.  It may seem that I blow up over little things, in reality, I can keep it in control for a long time. I brush it off because I get that people are going to become impatient (being human and all). Usually it's the ninth time in the day, or even the week that someone said I was sitting down on the job, or that I look tired, or tries to get by my walker and I can't and I was doing something while the customer behind me wanted to get by and I lost concentration I can feel the need to let off steam. The steam I feel isn't even about the person asking me to move, or my not being able to move as quickly. It's because I need the walker at all, and I used to not use one at work. (although I seem to forget the fact of the painful feet and walking when I didn't have a seat readily available.)