Pain

        If I feel like I have lost my best friend, maybe I have. If I look sadder, I am. Gene was loved by everyone, and there were people that knew him in a different way than I did, but the way I knew him, I know few. Or shall I say the way he knew me. It's a balance of understanding pain and the importance of feeling whole, expecting the same but understanding the different. Few can do that, and I have recently realized a person has to be my friend to do so, must be close to me. Too far away and it is easy to count me out as a person who talks too much or is too sensitive, too close and the past clouds a person's view. Many people I have worked with have known me for twelve years or so, but they have formed their own opinion that I might not agree with. And so now as I start over, the store might as well be a new place, as I have lost an ally. I know everyone lost someone important and we are all grieving. I'm older now, with less patience for beating understanding into people. I might be told to move on. I might be told to do my job and I will, but with less enthusiasm. I just don't have it in me anymore.