It's my niece's fourth birthday today. She has delighted me and challenged me every day. Challenged me most in the physical sense, meaning, saying "Try this Meesa!" She has taught me to love in the most abundant way possible.
I really notice this love when compared to other times in my life, and it is no exaggeration that I experienced a nightmare of these times last night. As in, a nightmare when I was sleeping and I woke up and said "That wasn't real, whew." I had this dream that I went to my CP clinic appointment in a hospital (I'm 28, so that was my first clue it wasn't real, but since in my dream I exclaimed my age, it still felt it) There were these experts sitting around me and my mother was there, and they were talking about braces, talking about what I don't do enough of, or maybe they weren't talking at all in the dream. Maybe they were just staring at me, a bunch of white coats in a circle. I don't want to be in that place again. I'm glad as an adult I have more control over my experiences. Those appointments always made me do a reevaluation of myself, and usually I just went through the motions emotionally, not really feeling anything until I got home to do the reevaluation. Sometimes I do wonder what the experts, the residents, interns, doctors and PTs would say about me now. But because of the dream I had, I remember how that felt, and I will stick to wondering for now, not really finding out.
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