As I aged, I found hiding my feelings proved more difficult. For example, all my life, a rule governed my life. Don't feel upset when you fall down, laugh at yourself, it's not a big deal. I struggled with it. Sometimes, I can joke about it. But recently, last Thursday, I was in a hurry to see a favorite college basketball player get drafted, and I don't know what happened, but suddenly I was on the floor, I hit my mouth on my arm as I went down, and the floor is tile, unforgiving. My braces collided with my lip and I knew I was bleeding. I got up and took care of business, and all I felt was pain, embarrassment. Laughing about it was not even possible, because the pain was intense. Sometimes the fact that I have cerebral palsy and I fall because I forget to think about movement is right in front of my face. And it's upsetting not only for me, but for my parents, always quick to suggest solutions, only after I fall I am not receptive to suggestions.
I'm just thinking things like: Crap! I have CP!
I can't believe that just happened!
I am so angry!
Can we just forget this ever happened?
Man that hurt!
Did I lose a tooth?
I don't even know how it happened!
One thought after another, with no spaces or punctuation.
But being honest about how you feel is being who you are.
And I can only be me
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